Monday, March 16, 2015

Starting New

Today is an exciting day for me.  I am officially starting down a new path in my journey through life.  This path has been in view to me for awhile now but it wasn't yet time to walk there.  Now is the time, and besides being excited I'm nervous, but mostly excited for what's to come.  Many things have happened in my life, in my children's life, this past decade but have been concentrated in the last few years and became extremely intense recently with the tragic death of my beautiful, sweet, 22yr. old daughter.  I will forever be changed and pained, with a part of my heart sectioned off where there is no comfort, no light, no relief from suffering.  But, until recently, I had no control of that space.  It has been a room where the door was always open and like in a dream I always found myself in it unable to get out - I really couldn't even lift my head to look out of the room, I was not aware of any windows, only grey walls and echos of weeping and sadness.  Somehow, miraculously, little by little, things changed.  And one day I will write about the process that took place between then and now where I find myself being able enter and exit the room as I please.  I see windows now, with shades and sheers and draperies so that I may have as much sunlight or as little as I need.  There is much more to this room and my relationship to it that will wait for another time.  But, suffice it to say that forward movement is taking place within me and without and I am starting a new chapter in my life while also lingering a bit in the last one.

Much to do, to do, to do....and I will express more later.  But for now, here is a thought...

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Hillary My Darling

My beautiful, darling daughter died unexpectedly and tragically this past November 10, 2014 at the age of 22.
My heart is broken forever and I will never be the same.

Here are some of the most recent photos taken of her with her sisters.

She was Sunshine in our Life
A Beauty Inside and Out
With a Heart Bigger than the Largest Ocean
Love Overflowing on Everyone She'd Meet
I Miss You, Sweet Hillary
Every Moment of Every Day

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Sewing Room Stew

I have been living in my apartment for 5 months now and I'm still surrounded by boxes.  Ugh!  My children and I moved to a new place, town, city,...and I'm still without quite a bit of furniture.  When I was in Chicago, it was easy to find furniture (anything) on Craigslist for free or next to nothing, but here, not so.  The pickings are slim to begin with and they seem to cost an arm and a leg, as well.  So, I'm struggling to have a place to put things, ergo box castles surround me.

Anyway, to the sewing room we go....I have been thinking on how I'm going to set up my sewing room without much furniture/storage and I'm having a hard time with it.  I have one sewing machine in a table, two small bookshelves which I purchased at Walmart for $18 each, that my 13 yr. old son put together with just a tad bit of help from his dear ole' mum who is so proud of him; he seems to be really good at that kind of stuff... that I'm using as a base for a whiteboard tabletop.   I also have a wooden table with another whiteboard tabletop on it that I'm using as a desk.  But, I don't have all the shelves and storage I had in IL and I have no idea how to arrange it all so it flows well - you know, Feng Shui - not to mention the importance of not bumping into and tripping over things while working in the wee hours of the morning.  Did I mention that at this point in time this room will also serve as the center of my homeschool work and production and also my personal business office?  Mainly because it also houses my laptop and printer, file cabinet, mailing supplies, writing and craft supplies, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera! (Yul Brynner was just in my head reciting that last part while he waltzed around my living room in grand, sweeping steps, and donned in red silk adorned with gold trim.)...I digress.

...minor rabbit trail, but...we're good.  Slides glasses back down onto nose, fingers rest on home keys ready to strike. Quietness envelopes me.  Three minutes tick by, sticking out their tongues at me as they pass.  I feel like Tootles from the movie "Hook" when he exclaimed, "I lost my marbles!"  Except that it's my train of thought that has gone missing.  I hear it, faintly, off in the distance, taunting me- chhgha chhgha choochoo.  Whoo whoo!  It may as well be smugly calling out to me, "MARCO...?...",  *sigh*  --sudden interupption-- "Mom. Mom!"  eye contact is made but my thoughts are lagging behind  "Mom? What's for dinner?" "Son, didn't you just eat...head turning toward, um...(sheepishly) 6 hours ago?" His eyes widen as his arms lift and fall emphatically at his sides, "Exactly!"  I smile and start to push myself away from my desk.  Walking toward his bedroom he declares, "Oh, and we're out of toilet paper."  must...take...break.


Saturday, October 12, 2013


My 4 youngest children and I have recently relocated to Texas, where two of my older daughters currently reside and where one of them is attending University working on her Masters degree. It was a long road getting here, not just the drive down here (which took about 27 hrs.) but everything that has happened within the last year or more bringing me (us) to this "place" where we have sold, given away, and packed up all of what we now own into a 12ft. trailer and hauled it South to this new location, and new way of living. So many changes, so many choices ahead of us, so many lives affected, so many thoughts swirling around in my many different emotions being experienced at one time.

 I am more than half a century old and I feel I have nothing, yet everything. Nothing, because many years have gone by and most of what was cultivated, expressed, created, and gained during these last decades seems to be now gone - including people;  parents, siblings, friends, partner, pets, belongings...not to mention our home of over 25yrs.,  And yet everything because I am almost starting all over again; currently not being stuck in a 30yr old rut, the possibilities ahead of me are varied and many. 

I'm sad and relieved, excited and nervous, adventurous and timid, wanting and at peace - needless to say, quite conflicted, yet not.  How is this possible?

The beat goes on...

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The Big Needle Controversy - Solved!

How often should I change my sewing machine needle?
Over the years, I have heard and read this question asked and answered a hundred times, and most times it's a different answer depending on preference.  I have never been completely satisfied with the answer or my own personal choice on this.  But today...Eureka!  Look no further except to watch this video presentation by Bob Purcell, "Chief Threadologist of Superior Threads"; he will tell you everything you ever wanted to know and more about needles!

There are several other very interesting and informative videos that you may want to view, if you're a sewer that's soh-er not soo-er ;), and they can be found on YouTube on the Superior Threads channel.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Baby Guinea Pigs

We were surprised when one of our guinea pigs got pregnant early this year.  Surprised because we've been keeping our males and females separate.  But, apparently, one time when my sons took them out for some exercise in their room, they put them all together in a make-shift pen made with old vhs tapes standing on their sides.  Ooops!
Here's our guineas:                                            
  Our 2 oys                                       
Max (above) and Chowder (below)

The Girls
Calico, Crunch, and Snickers
(Snickers had the pups)

The babies, or puppies, or cavies, didn't really look like the typical animal newborns we were used to.  They had all their furry hair and it was dry (by the time we were able to see them) and their eyes were open and they were scooting around.  They even started feeding on some greens within the first few weeks!

Well, they're weened now and about 6wks. old 

We need to find homes for them, which makes my whole animal-loving family a bit sad.  But, they'll be much bigger before we know it and we already have 5 other guineas along with a cat and dog.  If we were already living in the country on our land, we'd certainly be keeping them.  But, unfortunately here in the city we don't have room to accommodate them and I don't think we'll be moving soon enough.

Here are a few more guinea pics just for fun.
These 2 piggies were actually cuddling up against my daughter's dog's tummy, she's curved around behind them.

This is my youngest son with his guinea whom he loves, Chowder.

Get ready for your close-up!

CUT!  Print!  It's a wrap!
Okay, people, get the clean-up crew in here and sweep up all these little piggie pellets.